SNP Host “Bash the Fash” Burns Supper

antifasnp

GLASGOW – Wi 2017 leukin tae be a mair anti-fascist year as wis thocht, Nicola Sturgeon hae seen fit tae annunce that the SNP will caipitalise on this faur ben trend amang the Scots fowk by hostin a Antifa Burns Nicht:

“Rabbie Burns wis a radical, he wis,” expleened Sturgeon at the Glasgow riot/press conference. “He laithed baith kirk an croun, an we want tae hae a Burns Supper whit reflects this.”

“Aye,” gree’d Mhairi Black. “We’re tae sing Ewan MacColl sangs o Stalin an Ho Chi Minh, birn a Union Jaik an aw… ‘Tis gangin tae be the maist anti-Westminster Burns Nicht o aw time.”

Public reaction tae the annuncement hae been generally guid: “Scotland is a laund o rebels, the cauf kintra o James Connolly an Sean Connery, we daena care for Nazis in thir pairts,” expleened a masked Glaswegian lounie.

Rangers fans, for thair pairt, are awready hyte at the annuncement: “‘Tis mair evident o the SNP’s couterin o left-weeng hooligans, gin thay attack honest richt-weeng hooligans like masel,” expleened local Rangers supporter Andrew “Bud” Andrews, motionin at a nearby menyie o Celtic fans.

“Thay’re a purely creeminal element thay are, the fuckin tims!”

Tweel the drink at the celebrations will be whisky, but thare is a clypach o a differ ower gin it shoud be the weel-lued Laphroaig, o Tomintoul, on accoont o the Sassenachs canna pronoonce it.

But aye, thare will be haggis o the vegan, halal, an raiglar kynd, so aw o the Wirker’s Spatula correspondents whit come micht eat awee.

Aye, dear readers, the Spatula sall be thare. For it will be oor task tae read Burns’s classic verse, Ode to a Spatula.