CWI Ruins Everything for Australian Man


BRISBANE – Men in positions of power unwilling to exercise control over their own dicks have reportedly now destroyed every facet of one man’s Australian childhood.

The country’s Socialist Party has seen a wave of resignations after the organisation was “torn apart by attacks on a woman comrade for coming forward with serious allegations of abuse by a leading male member [sic].”

Brisbane resident Harry Peterson told Worker’s Spatula there was now nothing in Australia left to believe in.

“When I was a kid, you used to have adults around you the whole time you were told you could trust, whether you were a small boy, a young woman or a farmyard animal.”

“You went to Church on Sundays—where you were taught to obey a group of old men on the basis of religious dogma.”

“It was a real shock when I found out it was a hotbed of nonces.”

“After school you went to the Scouts or Boys Brigade—where you were taught to obey a group of old men on the basis of imperialist dogma.”

“That was somewhat less of a shock, I must say.

“And when we were old enough, we joined the CWI, as was the fashion in those days. What could be healthier than going to meetings and selling papers for a group of old men on the basis of Trotskyist dogma?”

“And yet for some reason these powerful men, half-worshipped and apparently untouchable in their own institutions, thought they would get away with sexual abuse.”

Peterson did remember a few instances in his day where members of the central committee had sexually harassed young female comrades.

“Then again, that was usual in those days, wasn’t it? Nothing you wouldn’t have got in the workplace! And what was the CWI but an attempt at reproducing workplace dynamics in politics?”

Was there anything from his childhood that was not now tainted by sexual abuse scandals?

“We liked to put on the radio and listen to the DJs… Umm, no. Saturday morning television. We used to enjoy that. Rolf Harris.”

Mr. Peterson opted not to continue the interview, instead banging his head violently against the wall and screaming.