George Michael Latest Casualty in War on Christmas

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OXFORDSHIRE – While 2016 has claimed the lives of many bourgeois celebrities, Worker’s Spatula notes with special sadness the passing of George Michael. George Michael’s music has long provided the soundtrack to our revolutionary activities, long before there was a Worker’s Spatula as such. Ever since he jitterbugged into the heart of our oldest member in the early 1980s, George Michael has been a glorious symbol of our fight against fascism. From his own public struggle against the Thatcherite and Blairite scum, to our use of his song “Freedom!” to celebrate the liberation of Kobanê from ISIS, few bourgeois singers more perfectly encapsulate the spirit of resistance that Worker’s Spatula seeks to raise up among the masses than George Michael, bard of the people’s struggle.

While our comrade Jeremy Corbyn is leading the public commemoration of this heroic anti-fascist troubadour, we at Worker’s Spatula wanted to discuss George Michael’s life and death, and what they meant for us.

Although we could never convince George Michael to write for or contribute financially to Worker’s Spatula (on the grounds of his support for TKEP/L in Turkey, as opposed to the strict anti-revisionism of Worker’s Spatula), many of our cadres were close to him due to shared interests, including cottaging, bursting into song, hating Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair, and bursting into songs about hating Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair whilst cottaging. On several occasions, the editor-in-chief of Worker’s Spatula was known to partake in one or more of these activities together with George Michael, who remained on friendly terms in spite of the aforementioned Brezhnevite/Hoxhaite issue.

George Michael’s untimely death caught us all by surprise, leading to the unavoidable conclusion that he was assassinated by the Tories. The Tory scum chose Christmas to assassinate him because they hate Christmas, and joy, and the laughter of children. In particular, the Tories detest the laughter of the working class children of England today, who are constantly to be seen on public transportation wearing Worker’s Spatula t-shirts and singing the songs of George Michael, like “Faith”, “I Want Your Sex”, and “Polyushko-polye”.

Last Christmas, we gave our hearts to George Michael’s best friend in the whole world, Jeremy Corbyn, when he quoted Enver Hoxha at the Labour Christmas party. But the very next year, George Michael was taken from us. 2016 has been nothing if not a difficult year for communist revolutionaries and George Michael fans alike. But we must stand tall and remain hopeful in spite of these setbacks. That’s what George Michael would have wanted.

After all, his last words were: “DON’T MOURN, ORGANISE!”

Plaid Cymru Kî ne?

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BANGOR, WÊLZ – Îro em di cîhaneke pir xeternak de dijîn. Dema dewleta faşîst a Tirk êrîş dike li ser gelê Kurd û li ser îradeya siyasî ya hemû hêzên pêşverû yên Anatoliya û Mezopotamyayê, gelên Birîtaniya jî tê dikoşin li hemberî hêzên faşîst ên David Cameron, serokwezîrê Birîtaniyayê ku birazek niya.

Ji ber ku piştgirî bi Îrlendiyan re îşê Filistîniyan e, divê Worker’s Spatula piştgirî navbera gelên Kurd û Wêlzî bilind bike.

A rastî, ji aliyê Wêlzî piştgiriya bi gelê Kurd re normal bû. Hevalên me yên Kurd in ku hê nizanin Wêlzî kî ne. Di Wêlzê de gelek Qomunîst hene, bi taybetî ji Partiya Qomunîst a Birîtaniyayê, CPB. CPB mîna TKEP/L ye, lê selehên wan tune. Di rojnameya CPBê, “Morning Star” (bi Kurdî “Ferec”*), gelek meqaleyên li ser mezinahiya têkoşîna PYD li hemberî çeteyên DEÎŞ hatine nivîsîn.

Li gundên Wêlzî, komeke Maoîst a pir piçûk heye, bi navê Yr Aflonddwch Mawr. Bi Wêlzî wateya vî navî heye, lê em nizanin çi ye, çimkî me nikaribû Ferhengeke Kurdî-Wêlzî bibînin. Bi kurtî û Kurmancî, Yr Aflonddwch Mawr ji Îbrahîm Kaypakkaya hez dikin, loma ew jî ji bo gelê Kurd baş in.

Îsal li hilbijartinên Birîtanî, li gorî hilbijartinên paşerojê, bêhtir Wêlziyan Plaid Cymru hilbijart. Ev girîng e, çimkî Plaid Cymru PKK ya Wêlziyan e, û em hêvîdar in ku li pêşerojê Wêlz ji Birîtaniyayê derkeve. Dema kantonên Wêlzê hatine avakirin, hereketa Kurdî dikare selehan ji wan bikirin ji bo têkoşîna li hemberî dewletên kedxwar.

Karker û gelên bindest ên cîhanê, hevgirin!

*Navê rojnameya “Morning Star” ji bo koma metal a Kurdî bi heman navî hat hilbijartin, û rojnamevanên “Morning Star”, heman wekî rojnamevanên Worker’s Spatula, her guhdariya muzîka Ferec’ê dikin.