US Democrats Who Won’t Shut Up About “Russian Conspiracy” Part of Liechtenstein Conspiracy


WASHINGTON DC – Speaking on conditions of anonymity and that if for any reason their identity should be compromised, we would take them into a safehouse for the foreseeable future, a US State Department official revealed some shocking details about the ongoing “#RussiaGate” controversy in that country:

“Any reasonable person can see that the media and various public figures are kind of running with the idea that Russia’s behind every single controversy in the United States, without any of these necessarily making any sense. That’s not the interesting part.

“Some of us started getting suspicious around the time they declared Jill Stein was backed by the Russians. Now, it’s conceivable that Russia would want to use a third party vote to get Trump into office, but then they started talking about Sanders as part of some Russian conspiracy. Sanders would’ve beaten Trump, so that doesn’t make any sense.

“By now I’m sure you’ve heard, the DSA is Russia, #AbolishICE is Russia, Black Lives Matter, it’s all Russia, right? Now nobody can really believe all of that, can they? Is it just journalists having a bit of fun? But then why are Democrats going along with it? So I asked Senator [REDACTED], ‘do you really believe all this stuff about Black Lives Matter being paid by the Russians and so on?’, well he tells me ‘no, but I have to say it’.

“‘Why, the lobbyists?’ I asked, ‘which ones?’. Now, I could imagine all sorts of big money interests behind the Democrats want to keep steering the party as far right as they can, but no, he says, ‘certain fanatical anti-communist groups, if you know what I mean’.”

At this juncture, our informant gave our correspondent a meaningful look.

“Anyone who’s worked for the State Department for even a week knows he means Liechtenstein. I mean, you know these fucks, they still have their Nazi war criminal monument, they use their banking money to put the kibosh on anything that stinks of socialism from here to Sydney.”

[REDACTED], our top secret source at [REDACTED BOURGEOIS NEWS SOURCE], confirmed that several individuals with “German accents” had been seen going into meetings with journalists who were reporting on “RussiaGate”:

Yeah, #MeToo suddenly became Russian, every protest became Russian, I asked [REDACTED] if she felt ethical about spreading such obviously fake news, and she said ‘they offered me an all-expenses-paid trip to Vaduz for Memorial Day Weekend, what do I care if people who will vote for anyone who’s not a Republican think about some marginal left groups?’

I think it’s disgusting personally, but that’s the society we’ve been living in for some time: corporations own the media, special interests own the politicians, and when Liechtenstein says jump, everyone says ‘how high?’

It’s a shame that so many people who aren’t directly benefiting from Liechteinstein’s hush money are parroting their line, but what can you do?

Asked about the allegation that Black Lives Matter, the #MeToo movement, the Green Party, and significant sections of the Sanders campaign and the DSA (particularly the Boston branch) were all under the control of US ICOR affiliate ROL, [REDACTED] responded “well sure, but there’s no money in telling the truth, is there?”

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Overcoming the Whitegeist


“Why Trump? Why now? Why not Bernie?”

Don’t worry, US readers: this will not be yet another thinkpiece about how Donald Trump reflects the latent white supremacy of the settler-colonial Yankee national identity. This will not be yet another thinkpiece about how many of Donald Trump’s supporters are bourgeois. This will not be yet another thinkpiece which repeats that the Trump presidency is the means by which the crisis punishes all of the US for the victory of Clintonite status quo-ism over even the most modest reformism of Sanders.

You know these things already. The fact is, everyone knows these things. Everything under the sun is old and burnt.

Rather, let us dispense momentarily with a simple meditation, in lieu of a hot take. At this point, all but the most out-of-touch critic would agree that Bernie, would in fact have won. But given that the objective conditions are such that Bernie didn’t in fact win, let us not forget how much of the blame lies precisely with political subjects such as Sanders and the Sandernistas for failing to see beyond the Whitegeist.

The Zeitgeist, as all of our readers know, is the spirit (Geist) of the age (Zeit). We are most concerned with the level of development of the masses, their collective consciousness and spirit. It does not suffice to consider oneself a meaningful political subject and not consider the objective reality of the development of the revolutionary masses. But who are the revolutionary masses In the United States? Quite simply, everyone except white people.

At this point, their biases against us confirmed, all the white leftists in the United States have stopped reading. But seriously, folks, nobody is actually preaching that there is no revolutionary potential in the struggles of “white” proletarians. And if they do appear to exist, they’re just Worker’s Spatula psyops.

In fact, just to be safe, assume that everyone on left Twitter discussing such matters is either a Spatula writer or a sockpuppet which is part of a Spatula psyop, depending on whether or not we unironically share the views they espouse or not.

Can we all stop talking about the problem of imaginary leftists condemning labour strikes because of the skin colour of white workers? How often has this actually obstructed your practice, if you’re reading this and actually have any practice (since most of the internet left has neither theory nor practice)?

However, many white leftists in the United States, particularly the Sandernistas and large sections of the DSA, but also some anarchists and Marxist-Leninists, seem to think that chauvinism is found only in explicit statements of condemnation for oppressed nations and identities or movements addressing said oppression. Strasserite chauvinism finds its reflection in an obsession by more honest socialists with saving the soul of white workers, no matter how chauvinist those workers might be.

“Oh so you’re saying all white workers are chauvinists?” Hell yes we are, every single one of them is chauvinist trash, no different to the KKK, and all non-white workers are pure vessels for the revolution, whose only flaw is not kicking white workers out of their unions screaming “beat it, whitey!”

But seriously, the editing process for this piece was inordinately held back by debating how many times we should insert a joke about how we hate all white people* or there are no white workers or whatever. The hyper-sensitivity on this point by white communists (particularly in the US) is so obnoxious and we wonder when they will stop it. We assure you: we have considered the class implications.

We all know Trump voters are not disproportionately the disenfranchised in this country. We all also agree that there should be a unity of struggle between the white proletariat and the oppressed nationalities. The problem is, to build a sincere solidarity after literally centuries of harsh national oppression, which is not merely a scar on historical memory but which creates a real hierarchy in economic reality, we must do so on the terms of the more impoverished oppressed nationalities.

Occupy Wall Street began in 2011. Afro-Americans have been struggling for their most basic democratic rights since before there was a United States. It is not unreasonable to expect that in uniting the two struggles, the one should show due deference to the other.

But what is the response of the white left? To scold others for bringing up the national question, to speak of “One United American Working Class™”, to compare George Washington to Robespierre, and other such thinly-veiled patriotic nonsense, right as the US Empire is weakening for the first time since the end of the Cold War!

It is not only the DSA, who speak of the US as a “nation”, who do this, but even many ostensible Marxist-Leninists! While the Whitegeist in the US may be one step ahead of Occupy Wall Street, the Zeitgeist of the oppressed nations in the US is one step ahead of Black Lives Matter, is in Cooperation Jackson, is speaking about “decolonisation”. We struggle to unite these struggles of course, but the Whitegeist must be brought up to the level of the heroic oppressed peoples in the US, their struggle cannot be buried because the Whitegeist of the white working class (or intellectuals’ idealist conception thereof) is frightened of it!

Our hypocritical white US leftists insist that they support Black Lives Matter, that they “like” Malcolm X, that they name-drop Assata Shakur. Like anarchists, they use their individual lifestyle to cover up the essence of a more general theoretical critique; like social democrats, they assure us that Black America is on their mind, but we can’t divide the working class [vote?] by distracting precious white workers from their own precious white problems with anyone else’s “identitarian” non-white problems; like the liberals who worship Barack Obama, they want Black “allies” who validate their position as good white people and do not make them uncomfortable.

In short, these labour aristocratic settler-colonialist white leftists who have yet to face their own history and social position substitute their own consciousness for that of the revolutionary proletariat. They may be well-intentioned, but their good intentions are only an indication of of how far we can travel with them as individuals. They are no indication of the correctness of their analysis, which entirely substitutes their idealist and subjective conception of the working class for a critical dialectical process of material struggle of all workers and all oppressed.

There is a general tendency in the United States to characterise polemics such as this one, without using precisely this terminology, as “reverse racist”, or “anti-white”. The code-word used is “Third Worldist”. You would think, therefore, that those who demand that liberation of the oppressed be centred in the rhetoric of revolutionaries in the US are either idealists who don’t understand the material conditions of their own country, or foreign leftists who don’t understand that the objective conditions of struggle in the US are so undeveloped as to not be ready for this sort of revolutionary rhetoric.

And indeed, one of the writers who pushed this piece in committee did come from a country with wildly different economic conditions, political history, and culture.


Yes, whatever you want to say about Socialist Alliance, and no Worker’s Spatula writer can pass up the chance to point out that Green Left Weekly, while a fine news source, simply has NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT HEGEL, but from the vantage point (Ollman lol) of Melbourne, it’s frankly startling to see how little the liberation of oppressed peoples means to white leftists in the US. It’s not as if we committed less genocide against the indigenous than the Yanks. If Yanks are under that impression, it’s simply because their settler-colonial society’s population has been bolstered by more immigration than ours.

And while it’s true that in Australia, Aboriginals are a greater portion of the population than the Indigenous nations in the United States, it’s equally true that the Afro-American people, who are subject to similar national oppression, are a much greater percentage of the overall population of the United States than the Aboriginals in Australia. Thus we can see that it is not that the white left are ignoring the oppressed peoples within “their own” borders based on irrelevance, but out of a chauvinism that even other settler-colonial peoples, such as the arch-racist white Australian society, are capable of overcoming on the radical left. This is a clear example of the role subjectivity plays in shaping objectivity. If the white left in the US insists on tailing the Whitegeist, then they will see no objective need to embrace the liberation struggles of the oppressed peoples. If the white left in Australia overcome the Whitegeist, suddenly it becomes completely objectively obvious to them that there is a pressing need to embrace the struggle of the Aboriginals.

In fact, whether or not we had written this screed, things are in motion in the white left, and the Whitegeist itself is developing. Different elements of the white working class in the US will be driven towards fascism whether we intervene or those with a less full analysis intervene with a more vulgar class politics. But to intervene most correctly we hope all interested comrades will grasp the limitations into which they were socialised, struggle to overcome them, and take on the struggle of the oppressed peoples as their own, and by doing so, become themselves a living connection.

Workers and oppressed peoples of the world, unite!

*Although, you know, fuck white people.

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Point/Counterpoint: Theory or Practice?


Point: Your theory is bourgeois idealism, stop confusing the proletariat (me)
by Toilers’ Party for Global Freedom representative

Worker’s Spatula, shut the fuck up! Nobody gives a fucking shit about dianetics, nobody fucking knows who Steven Engels is, and for sure nobody fucking cares which part of the social-fascist deMOCKratic “$ociali$t$” of ameriKKKa (d$a) is better than which other part. You need to stop using so many big words to cover up for what you’re doing: spreading social-democratic and reformist views that serve imperialism and pave the way for fascism.

Fuck your propaganda for the Zionist psyop “Rojava” and the social-imperialist Jeremy Corbyn, fuck your stupid reading list which just confuses the proletariat (me), and especially fuck your claim to being anti-revisionist Stalinists when you don’t even uphold the immortal thought of Comrade President Xi. You’re nothing but fucking Trots, with your “movement building” and your “quantitative change” and your “blocking me from your Facebook page”. But what do you have to show for it? Pages and pages of bullshit nobody wants to read because it doesn’t relate to materialism.

While you were spreading your idealism, my party, the Toilers’ Party for Global Freedom, was engaged in real fucking revolutionary practice. We confronted your imperialist Sandersbot friends at some Fight for $15 bullshit, chanting “BERNIE KILLED ROSA” while waving the flag of the ONLY Korea, the North one, and the flag of the only Syrians, the SSNP. We’re fighting fascism in its most dangerous form, as the ANTISOFA front against social-fascism, while you’re all in the library or Melbourne or wherever the fuck you are.

While I can’t organise any workers because of that book Settlers, the one good thing your dumb site has recommended I read, I can say I’m personally doing more for proletarian revolution here in the so-called “United” States than any of you are doing in any country in the world, even if you are organising workers: I’m at the firing range every week, getting ready for the fucking people’s war against UnKKKle $am. I bet that pisses you off, doesn’t it?

More like “Imperialist’s Spatula”.

And stop over-complicating Leninism with your stupid quotes, you revisionists. You may be able to quote a lot of bullshit, but if Lenin were alive today, he’d answer you just as he answered the revisionists in his day with his 11th Thesis: OPPOSE BOOK WORSHIP.

Counterpoint: Stalinist practice is the result of Stalinist theory.
by the only Marxist on the internet

That was a marvelous display of ignorance, typical of Stalinists like the ones who run this sorry excuse for a website which has agreed to host my rebuttal.

I am sure no actual Marxists are even reading this, just the same sort of Stalinists who run this page, but I was promised a case of some truly choice pinot noir in exchange for a counterpoint in defence of Marxist theory, so here we are:

The claims of “revolutionary practice” by Stalinists mirror their claims of defending “actually existing socialism”. This faux-materialism is nothing more than a constellation of vulgar left-nationalisms which are bourgeois in the first and final instance, all attempts to dress them up otherwise notwithstanding.

Could you pop open one of those pinot noirs for me? No, no need for a glass, just uncork it and set it down there.

I’m sure Worker’s Spatula were hoping I was simply planning on rebutting the pithy pseudo-revolutionism displayed in the outbursts of this child from the so-called “Toilers’ Party for Global Freedom”. I suspect Worker’s Spatula editors forget all those times they called me a “leftcom waste of oxygen” and “gainsaying wrecker neo-Trotskyite filth”. Then use me as a hired gun who can be bought off with a few bottles of pinot to gainsay your ideological enemies within the Stalinist movement???

Don’t take that away, I’m still drinking that!

Well, I haven’t forgotten. I haven’t forgotten anything. It’s always you Stalinists who forget things. You forget how many of your heroes wouldn’t be up to your own standards of Marxist theoretical rigour, you’ve forgotten how many un-self-criticised zig-zags and re-un-self-criticised re-zig-re-zags you’ve been responsible for throughout your confused 20th century aborted attempt at marrying assorted “anti-imperialist” bourgeois nationalisms with Marxism predicated on a few out-of-context Marx quotes, and now you’re doing it all over again with 21st century identity politics and whatever unsettled nationalist scores you can still muster in 2018! You fucking hacks! You expect me to treat you any differently from these first day communist kids because you can hobble together some Hegelese? You think I’ll view you as equals because you could hold your own in a debate with Žižek? Anyone with enough coke in their system who’s taken more than one semester of philosophy can pull that off! How long will your fraud go unexposed?

Your future will be the same as all of those who have gone before you, and picking on stupid kids who can’t tell the difference between the Bolshevik Party and Phalangists won’t change that. One day your opportunism will overpower your intellectualism and you’ll be right there next to them, you won’t be joking when you claim Trump is pushing history forward because of some ill-defined “contradictions”, your US comrades will be low-level functionaries in some washed-up post-DSA “popular front”, your German comrades will be little Horst Mahlers, your British comrades will be in the Green Party, your Australian comrades will still be in the Green Party, and any of your Turkish and Kurdish comrades who aren’t dead will be Doğu Perinçek and the PUK, respectively.

I can see the future through my superior understanding of the dialectic of class struggle, “comrades”, and I can tell you in the end everyone will see what frauds and fake Marxists you were, like all the Stalinists before you. One day, history will look back and see that I was the only real Marxist on the internet.

And then maybe, just maybe, someone will read my blog.

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#SaveEBDSA: Conclusion and Beginning


On behalf of the Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers, we greet you, dear friends and comrades of the East Bay DSA.

We want to begin by saying:

We are sorry.

We are sorry we didn’t gather forces in the East Bay quicker, just as we are sorry we are still gathering friends around the world, the invisible army of the poor and oppressed that is Worker’s Spatula. Further, one of our heroic writers had been insisting we direct our time and resources towards the Working-Class Unity and Power slate of the East Bay DSA for some time, and only near the very end did we take up this important task of real-world politics. Had we intervened earlier, perhaps we would have had a more favourable result.

There are those who would blame the extremely undemocratic means the East Bay DSA had been run, under the dictatorial control of the bastard and shit Jeremy Gong, for any losses on our side, or, put another way, for any single victory by the crypto-fascist Bread and Roses clique. These people are objectively right, and the fact that all of the DSA’s resources, from its propaganda on the internet to organisation-internal communication channels and information crucial to recruitment certainly contributed to the favourable result these absolute villains achieved. Further, we dispute the validity of every single absentee/”proxy” vote which was across the board in favour of the treasonous Bread and Roses slate.

Definitely we agree with this general take, that they had everything and we had nothing, and that’s why they won. You may recognise this as exactly what happened to Sanders when he went up against Clinton.

However, we must also see our own subjective role in this. It was inevitable that the enemy, being in their totality an enemy force, and not merely some misguided friends (even if some within may individually seem to be mere misguided friends), would use every method in their hands to advance their goal of selfish sabotage of the project of the collective. Why should they not? We know that they have never loved the people and never sought to criticise all existing conditions (including themselves) for the good of the people. That is our goal, and we too will use every method in our disposal (“any means necessary”, if you will) to advance and defend the interest of all poor and oppressed and empower them in unity and struggle.

When we started, our About page had a joke about how we will “take credit for any revolutionary success anywhere in the world” but “will disavow any responsibility for failure”, or something to that effect. During an internal criticism session, it was pointed out that even as a joke, this had the effect of encouraging the extremely wrong tendency among leftists of every tradition to see their own agency in victories but see the agency of the enemy in their failures. “We lost the Cold War because of the imperialists!” “We won WWII because Stalin was so strong!”

One could easily claim the reverse, however, that we lost the Cold War because of our mistakes (there is much truth in this), and that we won WWII because of weaknesses of the Nazis which Stalin exploited (again, not untrue).

It is this contradiction between various subjectivities that makes up the totality of ideological and political struggle. Once again, we as the Spatula must make clear that had we in particular intervened much earlier, the result could have been more positive, and therefore we take responsibility for every single inch of ground which the crypto-fascist Bread and Roses clique held onto. We apologise to all of our friends and comrades in the East Bay DSA and pledge to continue working with them from here on out to the best of our ability. We will build stronger networks, we will help with propaganda, we commit our resources to helping build and advance real revolutionary and socialist solidarity in the East Bay.

And this is the essential point of criticism, comrades. We criticise and self-criticise because we want to do better. Criticism is a most revolutionary intervention into any sphere of life, but especially politics. By criticising in a correct Marxist-Leninist fashion, we can in fact elevate our political practice. And let us be clear: we have already achieved some victories through this campaign.

Firstly, of course, there is the general question of propaganda. Our enemies, the Bread and Roses clique, who probably deny the Armenian Genocide so as to not alienate potential Republican Turkish voters in New Jersey or something, have exercised a dictatorial control of the East Bay DSA channels of propaganda and internal communication, not only against minority dissenters, but even on quite popular points where their narrow clique is isolated but holds political power and thus feels it can dictate the truth from above, like Allah revealing the Noble Qur’ān to the Prophet Muhammad (SAW).

Such a belief is, of course, a form of shirk, and contrary to Islamic belief. As devout Ja’faris and partisans of Ali, Vicegerent of Allah, we sought the guidance of Ayatollah Sheikh Mohammad Al-Yaqoobi on this important question, and he advised us to use our own propaganda channels to carry out counter-propaganda against this crypto-fascist clique who mock our religion and our politics with their very existence.

The opportunist scoundrels and careerist idiots of the wrecker Bread and Roses clique fear our heroic propaganda because it tells the truth. They silence all dissent within the East Bay DSA and close off all channels to the heroic dissenters who speak for the revolutionary masses from Fruitvale to Fremont. This organisation-internal dictatorship, however, masks a deep insecurity which is obvious from the lack of reaction to Worker’s Spatula’s heroic interventions.

Jeremy Gong and his Bread and Roses clique can never respond to Worker’s Spatula because they know that they do not command either the popular support in the revolutionary movement at large nor the theoretical and practical knowledge of Marxism, the world, and politics to go toe to toe with such a mighty force as Worker’s Spatula. Respond to our critiques? They dare not speak our name! Yet we have continued our propaganda assault, and we will continue it, until enough forces have been gathered and a concrete strategy is formulated to take down this wrecker clique once and for all, and rebuild a platform for popular front activity for all revolutionaries and socialists in the East Bay.

This day will come. Already, little by little, the revolutionary masses are waking up to the unique threat of Jeremy Gong, and the universal opportunist-careerist-wrecker-crypto-fascist politics he represents within our movement. More and more, the mere mention of his name evokes revulsion by the youth. High school students hiss and jeer as he passes. Elementary school students throw garbage at him. The day will come soon when a baby is born in Oakland, and their first words as they are handed to their adoring mother for the first time in the hospital will be “fuck Jeremy Gong” as they raise an adorable little middle finger to the sky, only to shift it over into a victory sign, and then clench a tiny little fist of anti-fascist anger.

That is one cute baby. What’s more, that baby was conceived the natural way for cishets: by a woman who was head of her own matriarchal harem in which the men she controls stay in their place, and give her dick when she asks for it, and do not let their eyes stray to other women. “Who’s the father?” a nurse asks the heroic mother of this rebel baby, motioning towards her man-harem on the other side of the room. “I don’t know,” she replies, “some man,” she laughs, and the nurse laughs, and the doctor laughs, and the baby laughs, but the men do not laugh, because it is shameful for a man to laugh in public, for it may arouse the desires of strange women.

Deal with that, patriarchy. Deal with that, Jeremy Gong.

At any rate, Jeremy Gong is not happy with this result either. He is like Erdoğan when he won that election, but it was obvious he didn’t have the whole country in his pocket like he thought. He now has to work with two Working-Class Unity and Power people, including our dear friend Hasan. We are exposing Jeremy Gong as the most hated person in the DSA every day. Bear witness to the poll where people were asked “Who is a bigger fraud and scoundrel as a ‘socialist’?” between Jeremy Gong and known unpopular guy Phil Greaves. No matter how hated Phil Greaves is, Jeremy Gong hangs tight with him. We could’ve lost every single seat in that election, but he can’t make the reality that people hate him as much as the most hated “leftist” on Twitter go away.

Further, they are exposing themselves at the same time. Jeremy Gong gave perhaps the least confident and most patronising “left” speech ever delivered in the history of the DSA. There was no vision, only desperate hatred for everyone but himself. One of the other Bread and Roses scoundrels also suggested that the DSA should be running candidates in the South as Republicans. This goes against their supposed “hero” Sanders’s plan for a “50-state strategy”, a reference to the voter suppression of Afro-Americans in the Black Belt South: they want to abandon Afro-Americans who are desperate to take part in the legal electoral democratic politics the DSA as a whole is focused on, and desperate to do so in a way that would objectively pull local politics “left”, simply because the Bread and Roses slate thinks only white people matter no matter what. It is good that this was exposed and we must continue to emphasise this point which should make even the most reformist Democrat squirm, and if they do not issue an official retraction we must assume they have no firm line on whether or not racist voter suppression by the Republican Party is wrong or not.

Yes, the convention handed a propaganda victory to us through Bread and Roses’s own rhetoric by calling into question whether or not they support Jim Crow.

The Steering Committee results are now in, and yes, most of the seats went to the hated Bread and Roses clique, in line with the earlier Priorities Resolutions result. Bread and Roses won in an electoral sense, the only thing that matters to the heartless Clintonite monsters of the Bread and Roses clique headed by the reactionary agent Jeremy Gong. But it was a victory for us in a very real sense. It was a victory that we got two good revolutionaries on the Steering Committee. It was a victory that 67 brave souls showed up, in person, to vote against this garbage Priorities Resolution and the defeatist, pro-oppressor “socialism” it represents. You 67, you were in that room. Go find the other 66 people. Hug them. Exchange phone numbers. Befriend them. Learn about their struggles. Become a network of genuine human solidarity. 67 is not a small number of people to consciously challenge imperialist “social democracy” together in one place.

These 67 are the heroes, the very front line of the rebel youth, the heroic masses, the future. They should all work and learn and build together.

We would like to thank @NireBryce, one of the real heroes of the day, for tweeting the most of the proceedings of anyone, almost all the way to the end. That is exhausting work, not only having to type so much, but keep track of what people are saying, often rapidly, while you type. Let’s all thank them for their heroic work!

Regarding the Steering Committee, one of the Working-Class Unity and Power candidates who is now a Steering Committee member is the one that we as Worker’s Spatula endorsed: Hasan. Dear sweet Hasan, the solitary link between the East Bay DSA and the struggles of the downtrodden Turkish people who have lived under CIA-backed fascist dictatorship for decades, and the unspeakably oppressed Kurdish people who suffer under the most horrific colonial subjugation and violence, whose anti-colonial struggle in Rojava has been raised up to an international struggle of all suffering humanity, which drew Californian DSA member Michael Israel to fight in its defence, where he fell as a martyr. Hasan not only supports this link, Hasan lives it and speaks it every day by being Hasan, the living truth of the experience of the gurbetçis, all immigrants, all LGBT, all resisters. Hasan is the Anatolian angel of unity, the beautiful face of victory.

As our Turkish comrades always say, “bu daha başlangıç, mücadeleye devam”: “this is just the beginning, the struggle continues”. The scoundrels of the Bread and Roses clique may continue to hold back the democratisation of the chapter and the flow of information within and around it, but we can build our own channels, and we call on all our friends and comrades to speak with us about this work. We will continue to work together with all progressive forces to bring down these enemies of the people, and they know that we can succeed.

Already we have done a lot. Jeremy Gong is now known across the US as a condescending, sectarian, petty little man who thinks anyone to his left has mental health issues, insulting both to those of us who suffer from mental health issues and to the values of democracy and socialism he upholds in word only. Such a “leader” cannot last long if they are exposed.

We will succeed, because we are right. The truth is on our side in this fight. Always tell the truth. And the truth is this: Jeremy Gong is Adolf Hitler.

Fuck Jeremy Gong.

–Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers (MORE COMMUNICATIONS TO FOLLOW)

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Focoism or PPW?


Euzübillahimineşşeytanirracim Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. It is time we talk with our dear readers, our sisters and brothers in faith, about certain münafık tendencies among the Maocular.

It is well known that the majority of the people behind our page are followers of Imam Enver Hoxha. Those who are not consider themselves anti-revisionist Marxist-Leninists without reference to Albania or China. But nonetheless we have always sought cordial relations with the truly anti-revisionist followers of Imam Mao.

However, we can remain silent no longer. While we obviously hold that many of the positions of RIM Maoists are reasonable and good, we must take issue with this doctrine of Protracted People’s War, which as is obvious, is in flagrant opposition to the doctrine of Focoism that all the rest of us hold to be central to our theory and practice.

So long as any so-called anti-revisionists fail to grasp the centrality of Focoism

…okay, only the Maoists should still be reading at this point. Nobody else could possibly care this much about the so-called “question” of “Focoism or PPW”.

Hey Maoists, how are you doing?

We’ve obviously had some disagreements in the past, but we like to think most of you who would take the time to read our “dogmato-revisionist” site are fairly reasonable. And in return, we hope that you recognise our good will in spite of our differences.

We need to talk to you about Jeremy fucking Gong.

At the time of publication, there are just over 24 hours until the East Bay DSA Steering Committee election. Jeremy Gong and his Bread and Roses clique of Kautskyite wreckers have probably already used Friday’s absentee or “proxy” voting to stuff the ballot boxes with votes in favour of their slate against the righteous and popular Working-Class Unity and Power slate that we support. Come Sunday’s election in Oakland, we’re naturally concerned the election may already be rigged against us. If the crypto-fascist neo-Mensheviks of the Bread and Roses slate make it through the election process on Sunday, our worst fears will be confirmed, and worse still, the dictatorial power the revisionist and scoundrel Jeremy Gong wields over the East Bay branch of the DSA will likely go unchecked for the foreseeable future.

We know most of you don’t care about DSA, and that’s just fine, but surely you want to do a solidarity for your old friends at the Spatula? ‘Course you do!

Can you use your connections to make any Maoists in the Bay Area converge on the convention in Oakland on Sunday so as to be ready in the event of a fraudulent result (any result where any single Bread and Roses candidate is actually elected)?

We don’t want you to hurt anyone. Can you just set something on fire, ideally a ballot box (you know, like Sendero Luminoso), as a show of force?

We just need the Gongites to be afraid of us if they are able to fraudulently keep Working-Class Unity and Power (and especially dear, dear Hasan) off the Steering Committee, so that we still have space to manoeuvre. They have to know that we’re not sahipsiz, you know?

Look, if your people in the Bay Area need convincing, let’s just put it this way: Hasan’s favourite Armani Depaul is “Cookies and Milk”. That’s a deep goddamn cut, which shows how much Hasan loves Oakland. You know what Jeremy Gong and his shitty friends in Bread and Roses’ favourite Armani Depaul song is?

“Piano Man” by Billy Joel.

Anyway, thanks Maoists, we owe you one.

Image credit: Modern Chinese Literature and Culture Resource Center at the Ohio State University

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Worker’s Spatula Kick Off North American Healthcare Roadshow


North Americans rejoice! Following the dreadful events in Toronto, Workers Spatula have teamed up with local communist organisations to offer specific healthcare initiatives to target populations uncovered by present federal and state policies.

Watch out for the Workers Spatula trucks, which will be coming to different towns across North America each week for the rest of the year with our trained healthcare staff!

Yes, that’s right. We’re carrying out direct action to bring healthcare to the people, which, despite Jeremy fucking Gong‘s well-known passion for healthcare, is something he won’t support us in doing because of how much he hates direct action.

Yes, this is especially tragic given that our teams have been sent into the field to deal with a medical issue which affects many men who support Jeremy Gong: this initiative is particularly aimed at “incels”, that is, the far-right 4chan dwellers who hate women who won’t have sex with them. Workers Spatula intend to administer a quick and easy procedure to solve this condition and greatly improve sufferers’ quality of life, free of charge!

The benefits to castration for incels are clear:

-Quick, relatively safe operation
-Reduced proclivity to violence, particularly as it:
-Ends stress over the fact that women (rather understandably) won’t touch you
-More free time, lowers internet addiction
-Fast-track opportunities into the Byzantine civil service!

So come on down, incels! Or, if there’s an incel in your life, bring them down, kicking and screaming as necessary! Enjoy the benefits of the Workers Spatula trucks, free of charge and paid for by our generous readers, which is to say, Stefan Engel.

Other services available:
-The kicking-in of fascist
-Capping of knees for black and tans
-Lacing of necks for members of the Afrikaner Broederbond
-AND MORE! Please contact us for details.

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Point/Counterpoint: Jeremy Gong


Point: Jeremy Gong is Hillary Clinton
by Ray O’Light of the Revolutionary Organization of Labor – USA

Dear friends,
It seems our attention is drawn once again to California for an election. But this time not for an election sanctioned by the state, but by the local East Bay branch of the Democratic Socialists of America, an all-US organization made popular in the aftermath of the progressive petty bourgeois social-democrat Bernie Sanders campaign for president which our forces supported.

On the one side stands the so-called “Bread and Roses” slate, headed by Jeremy Gong, who cannot seem to make a single political argument without legitimizing themselves through Bernie Sanders, their “socialist” hero. On the other stands the Working-Class Unity and Power slate, which stands for uniting the reformist demands of the rising “socialist” tide associated with Sanders with the rightful demands of Afro-Americans, LGBT, and other marginalized folks.

It should come as no surprise which side we endorse. The San Francisco Bay Area shows great potential for revolutionary struggle, and we are heartened to hear through Worker’s Spatula that some of our readers are engaged in the Working-Class Unity and Power slate’s campaign to bring down the “Bread and Roses” clique, composed as far as we understand of Trotskyites and other imperialist tools masquerading as socialists. The Working-Class Unity and Power slate, on the other hand, despite its ideological diversity, seems committed to confronting fascism, imperialism, and capitalism, on a platform we can say is excellent, even exemplary given the current conjecture.

We hope that this will be the first step towards more intense vanguard struggle on behalf of the working class, oppressed nationalities, women, LGBT, and other marginalized folks in the San Francisco Bay Area and across California.

We must, however, warn our young friends and comrades of the East Bay DSA that Jeremy Gong, despite posing himself as a Sanders with every self-congratulatory breath he takes, shows all the tell-tale signs of being a Clinton. The “Bread and Roses” clique will attempt to use all power in their hands to do to the Working-Class Unity and Power slate what Clinton did in June 2016: Gong and his Trotskyite followers may use their control of the mechanisms of the East Bay DSA communication and electoral process to divert the attention of the less organized masses in the East Bay DSA and declare their own slate victorious without even counting the votes, if they do not resort to ballot box-stuffing, intimidation, or even violence.

Jeremy Gong, like Hillary Clinton, believes in a “progress” that must be legitimized by its “popularity”, a popularity they get to define in terms of the views shaped the organs of bourgeois media in the service of imperialism, when they are not simply declaring themselves popular through these same channels without any regard to the masses themselves! Jeremy Gong, like Hillary Clinton, want to have Sanders’s petty bourgeois progressivism on their own terms, without even Sanders’s own bold stances against Wall Street in the legal electoral sphere!

Jeremy Gong can tell everyone who will listen that he aspires to be Bernie Sanders all he likes, but we were on the Sanders campaign trail working to push it further while defending its positive qualities against the enemy. If Jeremy Gong had been there, which he wasn’t, he would’ve been one of those “helpful” Clinton supporters telling Sanders and his supporters to “be realistic”, every single step of the way!

A vote for Jeremy Gong or anyone in his “Bread and Roses” clique is a vote for Hillary Clinton, not Bernie Sanders. If the masses in the East Bay DSA really want to carry Sanders’s progressive message of fighting Wall Street rule forward, they will not only vote for Working-Class Unity and Power on April 29th, they will arrive early and united, prepared for any treachery and trickery Jeremy Gong has planned! Not only with our votes, with our voices and our actions, we must show Jeremy Gong what Working-Class Unity and Power is!

Contact us at: Boxholder
607 Boylston St. Lower Level Box 464
Boston, MA 02116 USA

Counterpoint: Jeremy Gong is Adolf Hitler
by Worker’s Spatula Representative

With all due respect for Brother Ray and the Revolutionary Organization of Labor – USA, the only US ICOR affiliate and most heroic Marxist-Leninist voice in that country, we must disagree. We have been speaking extensively to our correspondents in the East Bay, and it is clear to us that Jeremy Gong is not a DSA local equivalent to Hillary Clinton, but to Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler!

Hillary Clinton, while she does not care at all for the poor, the oppressed, or revolutionaries, and indeed, like all bourgeois imperialist stooges, actively aids in undermining our struggle, is not a reflection of any particular stage of the crisis. There have been Hillary Clintons for decades, and there will be Hillary Clintons for years to come.

Jeremy Gong, however, connects himself to the crisis for the same objective and subjective reasons as all fascists: he seeks to subvert the rising socialist movement in the crisis and replace it with a form of “struggle” conducive to the interests of capital. Replacing class struggle with a meaningless “socialism” which actively harms the oppressed, Jeremy Gong’s brand of “socialism” is about as meaningful as the “national socialism” espoused by the Nazi party.

Jeremy Gong and his clique want to use underhanded means to sweep aside the communists and all revolutionaries, so he can rise to power as a champion of the petty bourgeoisie, the labour aristocracy, and the most opportunistic elements of the lumpenproletariat. His brand of “socialism” will bring nothing but misery to the oppressed nationalities of the imperialist United States, whose neighbourhoods will be filled with jackbooted fascist police forces at his beck and call, whose terror will be used to keep them in line, while communists are disappeared in the middle of the night for resisting his regime.

Our correspondents in the East Bay have begun sleeping in shifts, watching the windows of their living spaces with a gun in their hand like Malcolm X. We cannot guarantee how long the legal space for resisting Jeremy Gong will remain open for these heroic comrades. We cannot say when they will be forced into open armed struggle against Jeremy Gong and his militias who work hand in glove with the alt-right, the police, and all other forces of fascism and imperialism.

Most of all, we fear for the safety of dear Hasan, who has so bravely and openly accepted to work with the Spatula in spite of the real danger that comes with being associated with such vocal and revolutionary critics of Jeremy Gong and all other fascists. May Allah protect our Anatolian angel in Oakland on Sunday.

We are now counting the hours until the East Bay DSA Steering Committee election. We hope for a sound and peaceful victory for the Working-Class Unity and Power slate. We hope that their votes, words, and unity will overpower this narrow fascist clique who have seized control of the East Bay DSA. But make no mistake: we fully expect that these fascists will not only steal this election, but will silence our people using every violent tool at their disposal.

Remain ever vigilant! Jeremy Gong and all fascists must not be allowed in our midst! Vote Hasan! ¡No pasarán!

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Jeremy Gong Hasn’t Slept in Days, Reduced to Hollow Shell by Spatular Onslaught


OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA – Reports from his neighbours indicate that Jeremy Gong, dictatorial Kautskyite helmsman at the head of the Bread and Roses clique controlling the East Bay DSA, is pulling yet another all-nighter provoked by the onslaught of brutal and totally correct criticism by the sexy dialecticians at Worker’s Spatula.

“At first I couldn’t believe how ragged and exhausted he looked,” said Gong’s neighbour, speaking on condition of anonymity due to safety concerns. “Then he told me about the Spatula pieces, and I gave them a look, and just… wow. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

“I mean, I would wish it on my neighbour Jeremy Gong, who is beneath even my most hated human enemies in my esteem. Like some kind of Kautskyite hell-demon, I want only for him to be exorcised. Frankly the worst part of every day for me is running into him while getting my mail or walking my dog or whatever, but it was shocking to see him so miserable.

“He looks like he’s lost the will to talk about how popular he is,” concurred Gong’s neighbour’s partner, at which juncture the couple both nodded.

A man matching Gong’s description was reported several hours ago at the Berkeley Fosters Freeze ordering “just fucking everything you’ve got”. Sobbing into an armful of assorted iced creams, this figure was reported to have accosted several passers-by demanding to know if “the Blacks” would be better off “without the cops to keep them in line”, and if “you have any idea how many people have joined DSA since the Sanders campaign?”

Confidential sources within the Bread and Roses camp have contacted the Spatula begging for mercy. They could not confirm or deny whether Gong had asked them to reach out to us, but they were able to confirm that Gong has been hit especially hard by the Spatula’s visionary critiques, centred as they were on his villainous person:

“Jeremy can’t take it anymore. We keep telling him, ‘Jeremy, just write another Medium piece! You can take Worker’s Spatula, they’re just Stalinists!’, but he’s really convinced that the Worker’s Spatula pieces are going to ruin him.

“I was just on the phone with him about an hour ago, he keeps saying how Worker’s Spatula are so merciless in their criticism, it’s like being taken down by Lenin himself. The only consolation he would take is when we pointed out that while the Soviet Union is long gone, the Second International party leaders Lenin criticised had long and illustrious careers building the sort of parties we’re trying to build.”

“‘You’re right’, he said, and he sounded like he was wiping tears from his eyes, ‘we just have to behave like the people who stood against the fanaticism of Leninism during the period of the world wars, use their methods to suppress these Leninists.”

Which is exactly what they intend to do on April 29th during the Steering Committee election at the East Bay DSA Conference. We have to maintain vigilance so that these Kautskyite wreckers can’t stuff the ballot boxes with their votes for their own corrupt Bread and Roses slate against the Working-Class Unity and Power slate which reflects the genuine aspirations and hopes of the advanced section of the East Bay proletariat who are organising within the DSA! Vote Hasan, vote Working-Class Unity and Power! Remember: if control of the East Bay DSA is not wrested from the crypto-fascist neo-Menshevik Bread and Roses clique, this can only mean that the election was fraudulent!

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#SaveEBDSA: Jeremy Gong Wants You to Rot in Prison

Not For Circulation – Do Not Share*


On behalf of the Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers:

While covertly many members of the East Bay DSA who support our rightful campaign for Hasan and the Working-Class Unity and Power slate have been contacting us through various channels to encourage us to continue speaking truth to the dictatorial power that is Jeremy Gong, they have also emphasised their real fear. We have had more than one comrade say they are fearful about following our proposal to bring a spatula to the convention in defiance, lest Jeremy Gong call the bourgeois police into the convention and have them locked up on trumped up terror charges.

While this reassures us that if the result of the upcoming April 29th Steering Committee election at the East Bay DSA Convention is not a sound defeat for the forces of reaction manifested in the Bread and Roses clique headed by the scoundrel and revisionist Jeremy Gong, the only reason was that the vote was rigged by these true enemies of the people, it does lead us to delving deeper into the question of Jeremy Gong and the Bread and Roses slate’s relationship to the police.

It is one thing for Jeremy Gong and his cronies to claim that they don’t support the DSA’s “national”** line against police abolition (in defiance of the actual majority will of the DSA local itself) on the flimsy pretext of how “Black people” want more police in their communities (whatever that means, Gongites never enter into a serious discussion about the actual social nature of the bourgeois state). But is this the limit of Jeremy Gong’s defence of the police? Far from it. Jeremy Gong not only does not want to abolish the police, he and his gaggle of Kautskyite wreckers and liars want to strengthen the police specifically so that they might be used to arbitrarily harass the poor and hound socialists! Let’s turn to the evidence:

Members of the LC have used their organizational positions and social capital to dismiss the hard work of rank-and-file EBDSA members engaged in the brake light program. This has included public derision on social media, the denial of access to official East Bay DSA communications, and exclusion of any mention of the brake light program in the local newsletter.

We have made a lot of the brakelight scandal, but perhaps we need to make clear to those, like Jeremy Gong, who have always had a cordial relationship with the bourgeois cops exactly why this initiative was so important. In addition to being a valuable educational moment for new socialists into how socialist politics need not merely be a recreation of bourgeois politics with a picture of Marx in the background, but could be a politics based on real social dynamics in which elections were only an occasional part, it also was a concrete step that could be taken to lessen police harassment barring their actual abolition and other such reforms under capitalist society.

Have you ever been pulled over for a brakelight, Jeremy Gong? Have you ever been afraid that, once pulled over, because of the colour of your skin or your gender presentation you would be subjected to an arbitrary search, or violence of some kind? Have you ever considered how many people experience such moments of fear, or are indeed in some sense violated or attacked by the bourgeois cops given the opportunity presented by such minor infractions, which their poverty prevents them from avoiding? Do you ever think about all the young Black men who have been searched for drugs just because they were Black, and then busted, or saddled with some bullshit charge like obstructing “justice”, while all of your white friends from Berkeley have been puffing away, practically in public, for years?

Of course you think about these things, because you frequently take your friends in the Oakland Police Department up on offers of ride-alongs, where you delight in them pulling over Black, queer, and other oppressed youth, the fear in whose eyes fills you with incomprehensible joy, you monster.

But it is not just that Jeremy Gong wants to stop us from stemming the tide of arbitrary police harassment, arrest, and violence through little legal direct actions such as the brakelight initiative. It is not even that he wants to play cop and prevent an open discussion of such matters in his favourite “democratic” “big tent” so that his unpopular views from above can dominate the popular front which is forming from the heroic masses who are trying to save the East Bay DSA from these crypto-fascist neo-Menshevik wreckers:

Even though the brake light program is extremely popular, it was unnecessarily difficult to bring the project to a vote. Brake light organizers were forced to gather 90 signatures to put the brake light project on an agenda. Given sparse general meetings, and a complete lack of access to official membership contact lists, collecting signatures was and remains needlessly laborious³. When the program was finally brought before membership at a general meeting⁴, it soundly passed. LC members were among the few people who spoke against the program.

No, Jeremy Gong wants every socialist reading this who falls afoul of his beloved bourgeois state apparatus to rot in fucking prison while Nazis walk free.

Please turn to Section 2. Arrests in Berkeley during Anti-Fascist Protests:

In August 2017, in the midst of recurring white supremacist rallies, the Mayor of Berkeley moved to appease moderate liberals and classified masks as “banned weapons.” During a demonstration against one of these rallies, four EBDSA comrades were arrested under this ordinance.

Here is the clearest expression of what ultra-left spectre Jeremy Gong was conjuring when he disingenuously posed his authoritarian cabal as the alternative to both “the useless compromise politics of the liberal center” (meaning anything to Jeremy Gong’s right, which is very little indeed), and “the dead-end wheel-spinning of the activist left”. Jeremy Gong doesn’t want the East Bay DSA to counter the claims on the rest of the US left that the DSA is aloof to real struggle, that it is not on the front lines with the most advanced section of the masses confronting fascism in the streets. In short, Jeremy Gong believes that the problem with the rest of the US left is that they are too much like the anarchists.

But Jeremy Gong is Jeremy wrong. The problem with the US left is not that they are too much like the anarchists. The problem with the US left is they are too much like Jeremy fucking Gong. Self-anointed messiahs of a particular fantasy version of socialism totally detached from real world politics (which does not stop and start at the borders prescribed by the bourgeois state apparatus and its functionaries, you Kautskyite scoundrel). Commandist little kings and queens (but let’s face it, usually kings) of their shitty pseudo-Marxist kingdoms, reading neither Hegel nor Lenin but Jacobin and the LA Times alone, and giving their “analysis” in vulgar reaction to these idealist tomes and only engaging in a material relationship with the masses on the basis of recruitment and patronisingly talking down to the poor and oppressed, the supposed subjects of socialist revolution (as if Jeremy Gong would ever utter “the r-word” in such a sentence). He is like Bob Avakian, but instead of meeting with guerrillas from Nepal and winning you over with his connections to the Black Panthers and thinking the masses are stupid because they don’t just MAKE A REVOLUTION ALREADY, he meets with other Jacobin-reading reformists who think the masses are stupid because they don’t just VOTE FOR US ALREADY.

You make us sick, Jeremy Gong. You make everyone sick. All of your friends are viewed as nothing but self-important little social democratic Brezhnevs limiting the sovereignty of anyone you deem insufficiently “serious” and “respectable”.

“Calm down, Worker’s Spatula!” we hear our well-intentioned friends pleading. “Obviously everyone dislikes Jeremy Gong, but you don’t have to destroy him like this! We may need him for future solidarity! Socialists have to stick together!”

Surely in the abstract you are right, hypothetical moderately-critical East Bay DSA comrade. In the abstract. But concretely, what solidarity can we expect from “comrades” like these:

One DSA comrade was even charged with a felony. An East Bay member requested that this comrade’s court date be shared through EBDSA official communication channels, such as email, in order to amass critical court support. No such call was issued; no official arrangements were made to organize support for these jailed comrades.⁶

Actions taken by the San Francisco DSA (SFDSA) stand in stark contrast. SFDSA used their channels of communication to coordinate jail support and raise bail money. SFDSA made dozens of phone calls, organized legal support and tracked arrested comrades as they were moved through the criminal justice system. They waited outside the jail with food and transport ready until the early hours of the morning, when our EBDSA comrades were finally released. SFDSA made sure all 12 arrested protesters had a ride home, DSA members and non-members alike.

Specifics of the arrests aside, we are again confronted with numerous questions about the chapter’s priorities. Why is it that East Bay DSA comrades were made to rely on a neighboring chapter, which has fewer members, to organize a response to politically motivated arrests? How can our chapter maintain a position against police repression without practicing a basic and straightforward function such as court support? Is this example a problem of the will, a problem of structure, or both?

Oh no, dear readers. We can tell you exactly what the problem is. The problem is that not only does Jeremy Gong not want you to get out of jail, or for your arrest or trial or doxxing to be protested (although he’ll scream to the high heavens about a “climate of hostile surveillance” when he’s “doxxed” because he sends out his files that he later decides are embarrassing), but we would not be in the least surprised if Jeremy Gong was on the phone with the Berkeley Police Department shortly after the arrest, giving them information and assuring them that such “anarchist scum” would not be allowed to decide the future of the East Bay DSA, loyal servant of the Democratic Party and capital.

They should’ve stuck to “pursuing ordinary political goals” instead of taking on the ridiculously far-left goal of… let’s just check the notes here… ah yes, protesting Nazis.

“Demonstrations”, of course were one of the things Jeremy Gong listed as representing the sort of “mass action” reflecting the “style of politics” he so “enthusiastically affirms” in the Bread and Roses slate analysis document. But what are we to demonstrate against if not Nazis? The masses eagerly await marching orders on who they are allowed to protest from the one true interpreter of “mass action” and “highly visible and massively popular independent socialist activity”, Jeremy Gong.

As for us, our message is clear: Fuck cops. Fuck Nazis. Fuck Jeremy Gong.

–Worker’s Spatula Bay Area Detachment of Militant Correspondents and Fast Food Workers (MORE COMMUNICATIONS TO FOLLOW)

Image credit: @WhatBigTeeth, note that we are not critical of the cishet man-dominant implications of this meme in this context as we are under most circumstances, as it perfectly captures Jeremy Gong and cop-lovers everywhere.

*Credit for this joke certainly belongs to @NireBryce, who will presumably be livetweeting the convention. If they do not, or if there is some interruption, you all know who is to blame: Jeremy Gong.

**See the footnote in our previous piece.

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Humourless Marxist Reviews: Worker’s Spatula


What follows is a Humourless Marxist Review that was originally to be published on Worker’s Spatula – Marxist-Leninist prior to the faction’s reunification with Worker’s Spatula, in which WS–ML reviewed the page from which they had split in terms of our perceived shortcomings. It has been edited so as to not be in ALL CAPS.

Worker’s Spatula is a pompous rag for pseudo-revolutionaries which attempts to cover up its total lack of meaningful intervention into practical politics with a series of jokes so juvenile that even here in Australia they seem a bit insulting to the level of intellectual discourse we expect.

Even where the writers can excuse this total waste of time of a website by making reference to their own political work outside of it, they’re powerless to deny that the overwhelming majority of their readership practise a masturbatory political apathy fueled by depression-anxiety which Worker’s Spatula enable by providing them content with which to obscure their own objective distance from the proletariat and organised politics as such.

Particularly in the US, where most of their readers are.

The page used to do exclusively satire pieces, which, particularly when Australian writers were involved, were occasionally funny. Now they’re trying to reinvent themselves as some sort of lighthearted “platform”, so they don’t even have to make proper jokes anymore. They just write whatever’s on their bloody minds in between classes!

The worst of all their stupid ideas would have to be their “Humourless Marxist Reviews”, which in addition to not being proper satire, couldn’t even really pretend to refer to politics at all. Contrary to what the name implies, they were just stupid jokes about media they hadn’t always even reviewed. These were also the pieces where the “Marxist” analysis was at its thinnest as well. Hopefully they’ll cut that out now that we’ve called them out for it.

They’ve also gone soft on anarchists and Trots lately, particularly since so few of the writers are still in Turkey, the homeland of Marxism-Leninism.

It’s also extremely repetitive. Oh, another piece about your depression, [REDACTED]? Couldn’t have seen that coming. Oh, you’re going to write about the DSA, better mention how the ROL is in charge of it, particularly the Boston branch, for the thousandth time! Oh, another joke about Trump being a communist who’s trying to delegitimise bourgeois democracy and US imperialism and “accelerate the contradictions”? PICK A NEW FUCKING JOKE, YOU HACKS.

Hey, here’s a joke for you: what’s the US equivalent of RaFFWU, the fighting trade union for fast food workers here in Australia? You’d never know from reading Worker’s Spatula, a site with mostly US readers named after the fact that its founders all worked in fast food at some point in their lives, although clearly not any single one of their writers based in the US at present!

All in all, you can see why we left. The only Marxist publication in the English language which has less potential to meaningfully raise up the general theoretical level of internet Marxists and offer an inventive new way to practically intervene in the organising of the next generation of revolutionaries… is all of them.

Give it up now, you cunts.

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