LONDON – Following the military defeat of ISIS leader Owen Smith by guerrilla forces under the leadership of John McDonnell and composed primarily of Red London and Worker’s Spatula cadres, the latter have returned to their journalistic duties.
Among the surprises which met our English correspondents in their return to civilian life was the fact that the Welsh socialist group which may or may not still be known as Yr Aflonyddwch Mawr has yet to drive out British colonial rule through a Popple’s Wor, and the Scottish are still dragging their feet on secession as well.
So it looks like it’s up to England to save the day AGAIN.
However, communists in the UK can expect a bitter struggle within and beyond Corbyn’s anti-austerity political campaigns, not least because the communists are a dangerous element whose fanatical ideas could lead to the deaths of millions in Britain, and also because they are a marginal and infantile trend who will soon come to terms with the real world, grow up, and become Blairites themselves.
Yes, sources across the UK political spectrum, from the Tories to the Red Tories, agree that communists are all just idiotic student union members looking for attention that must not be taken seriously. Moreover, it is agreed that they constitute a real threat to the Labour Party and Britain that must be stopped.
“This is hardly a surprising development,” said UK politics analyst and Trotskyite extraordinaire Richard Seymour, when pressed for comment. “It’s well known that anything left of bourgeois centre in the UK is both a threat to our very way of life and also a passing fad barely worth a mention. Having Red London running about, waving red flags and singing about red flags and that, it’s definitely an issue for people who understand how much they alienate the entire population of Britain except a ragtag gang of student losers, and also understand that they will one day topple the British state and have us all killed for being revisionists or reactionaries of one sort or another.
“One needn’t look to the murderous hordes of Stalinists who control Wales and parts of London to see evidence of this fact: One need merely take note of Corbyn himself, whose fanatical support drowns out the need to discuss his troublesome lack of popularity which renders him fundamentally unelectable.
“This trend shows little chance of decline. I personally have been told to join the SWP three times today.”
As of press time, a group calling itself “the Red Hand of Blair” has claimed responsibility for a car bomb in Brighton which claimed the lives of several known Corbynite figures. The statement reads, in part: “We have been forced to take up arms to defend the fundamental moderation of the Labour Party from the unelectable views endorsed by the electorate. Dialectics, innit.”